This week I used two colors I thought would compliment each other but honestly after using them together…I don’t like it! And, I’m probably going to change it tonight. :-\
What I used: Grey – OPI: Nein! Nein! Nein! OK Fine! | Black – MAVALA
The funny thing is that when you look at my hand all you probably see is a wack manicure. Lol. But, when I look at my hand I see soooo much more. I see strength. I see courage. I see happiness. But, most importantly I see freedom.
I’m sure by looking at me you would never guess that I was once in an abusive relationship, abusive in every way imaginable. (And, I won’t go into details because by NO MEANS is my intention to bash anyone. I will never talk negatively about anyone who does me wrong – I will pray for them. Period.) You would probably never guess that I was not “allowed” – and, I say “allowed” because it was never explicitly stated but something that was “understood” – to wear black nail polish, red nail polish or dark brown nail polish. While this was one of the milder forms of abuse I endured in that relationship please remember that all abuse is not physical and all abuse is not obvious, some forms are subtle.
When I got into the relationship things were great, like most abusive relationships are, in the beginning…but there were signs. Signs I ignored because I was young, he was handsome and we were “just hanging out and having fun”. But, after a while the “hanging out and having fun” wasn’t so much fun anymore. It turned into a very tumultuous relationship. It was a dark time in my life that I would NEVER allow myself to be in now. But, one that taught me so much about myself, life in general, what a man should be and what a man isn’t.
When most people look at me they see a smile, bright eyes and someone who is full of life and joy. And they are right. But, that wasn’t always my reality. Who I am today is not who I was then.
What anyone in an abusive relationship must understand is that who you are today does not have dictate who you will be tomorrow. If you’re not happy with ANY situation no matter what it is, have the strength and courage to leave it behind. Want more for yourself. Want more for your future. And, if you have children, if you don’t want it for you at LEAST want it for them.
My heart’s desire is to get married and have children. And, while I know no relationship is perfect I also know that I will NOT set my future children up to fail. I was not going to bring children into this world with a “man” I knew was not the one. In fact, as I’m writing this something I read recently just popped into my head “marry the kind of man you would want your son to be.” That is SO true. I would NEVER EVER EVER want to raise a son who abuses women. Period. So why I would I marry one, let alone stay with one?
Now I wake up every more morning with a renewed sense of self. I wake up and I’m so happy. Yes, I’m a bit lonely but I’m genuinely happy. Not many people can say that. And, if being alone right now (and preparing myself for my King) means a little loneliness, “Gimme ‘Lonely’ for $400, Alex!” I’ll take it. I’d rather be alone and happy than together and sad. And, now that I think about it, I think I’ll ditch the gray and paint all of my nails black. 😉Don’t forget to check out my blogger friends and their manis. 🙂 What are you wearing on your nails this week? Please share below.